So you’ve been together for a couple of years, shared a lot of memories, celebrated anniversaries, and have grown accustomed to having each other in your lives. But you have become unhappy. You constantly find yourself wanting something or maybe even someone other than your lover. You are no longer excited to be with him or her. Your conversations are as exciting as watching the weather channel. What would you do?
Do you break up and move on? Or do you fight to make the relationship work?
But how could you break up with your lover? How could you abruptly change each other’s lives? How could you possibly just pack up and leave? How could you when:
“I don’t want to hurt her!”
“He needs me.”
“She doesn’t want to let go.”
“This is the right thing to do.”
Breaking up is not easy – it is often messy and people will always get hurt. There are a lot of things to consider. There are a lot of complications. There are a lot of things at stake. Or maybe there are just a lot of excuses.
A lot of people do not want to be alone because they have attached their happiness to their lover. But how can happiness thrive in a one-sided affair? Is it not sadder? Is not more depressing? Is it not unfair?
When you stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons, you are not making the other person happy. You are standing in his or her way of true happiness. You are robbing them of the opportunity to actually enjoy life.
We have all been programmed that happiness come from finding love. What they didn’t tell us is that happiness starts with the love that we can get from ourselves. Being in a one-sided relationship forces one person to love the other more than they love themselves. This will only breed spite and hatred.
On one side, you have a person who is unsatisfied whose dissatisfaction will only grow through the years. More and more, this person will feel like he or she is doing charity. He or she will feel like his or her life has been a sacrifice.
On the other side, you have someone who will grow insecure and jealous. These will cause arguments and friction. But he or she will be more selfish. He or she will be more on guard.
In the end, can you fake being happy for the rest of your life? Or end the relationship when it’s too late to move on?
We all believe in finding “the one”. This is the so-called soul mate – the so-called destiny. This is why we hold on to relationships for the wrong reasons. We hold on to relationships because of convenience – because we think that this might be it and we’re screwing our one shot to happiness.
What if life wasn’t meant to be like that? What if love comes and goes in many forms throughout our lives? What if we are actually hurting ourselves by not recognizing when to stop and when to go?
For me, the only reason to stay and fight for a relationship is if you are still in love. Not because you love the other person. Those are very different things. You can love someone without being in love with him or her. The difference is that one should make you stay and the other one means you have to go.