How to Deal with Insecurities
In-secure. It means lack of security.
They come in many forms; they come in different intensities. Some are nothing but a nuisance; some can be robbing us of a life we truly deserve. What if your own insecurities are holding you back from achieving your dreams? What if your own insecurities have caged you and you sit in your prison willingly – if not conveniently? Who have you not yet learned how to deal with insecurities? And more importantly, why are you not dealing with them…now?
Insecurities breed a lot of things, one of them is envy. When you are insecure about yourself, you start to feel that others are better than you. Have you ever looked at a magazine, stared at a model, and just sighed deeply wondering why you don’t look anywhere close to that? We’ve all been there. We’ve all wondered why life is so unfair – why others were born with the perfect set of everything. Well actually, we don’t really care so much that life is unfair. What we really care about is why we are not the one having all the favors.
We are insecure about what we have so we envy what others possess.
The easiest coping mechanism that we have developed against this feeling is to bash whoever we feel envious of. One of the easiest symptoms of insecurity is when people bash other people for no apparent reason. We try to find what is wrong with them. We try to find the little things that we think make us better than them. We try to take them down. Isn’t that just pathetic?
We envy them so much because we are so consumed with our insecurities that the only way we can cope is to find the other person’s faults. The saddest part about this is that the other person most probably doesn’t even care. We over judge people who don’t even pay a single strand of care to us.
But why do we do it? Because it’s easy!
I wanted to share these three simple tips on how to deal with insecurities. Nothing too complex, just straightforward things we can do to properly deal with insecurities and overcome them.
Tip #1. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Self-satisfaction has never and will never come from the illusion of perfection. There was this girl who was so in love with a guy. She told me that this guy was THE perfect guy. He was good-looking, talented, funny, smart, and a genuinely nice guy. She was in love with this guy for years but she has always felt inadequate for him. She felt she was not pretty enough. A lot of other girls swarm around him like glittered flies on a perfectly swirled crap.
Then, she got to know the guy. And two things shocked her. First, he was utterly insecure about himself. Apparently, his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and now, he feels very unattractive. He feels that he is not good enough that’s why his ex-girlfriend found someone else. Second, he is no longer interested in any serious relationship. He is genuinely nice to girls. Girls tend to fall in love with him, but all he can give to them is a friendly smile.
I almost feel embarrassed sharing this story because I feel like we all know THAT someone. We all have a friend who’s been there or we have been there.
Get over yourself. You’re not the only one who feels insecure. You might think that you’re not good enough but someone out there might be thinking how good it must be to be you. But you’re so focused on someone else’s illusion of perfection that you cannot appreciate all the good things about yourself.
Tip #2. Work on Yourself
A lot of our insecurities come from things that we can actually work on – things we can change. My personal battle will be about my weight. It has always and still is a struggle. I have numerous excuses why achieving my ideal weight is really hard. I have read so many books, so many articles, so many tips about losing weight that I feel like I should have a PhD by now. But what lacks is the discipline.
I finally managed to lose 30 lbs in a year and I’m 10 pounds away to my target weight. But I had to go through an awful breakup and take a massive hit on my ego before I had the drive. Now pushing for the final pounds seems harder. But then I realize, it was year a year ago because I wanted to take care of myself. I wanted to make me feel better. I was doing it for me. I was doing it not to impress anyone else. But that drive has dissipated because I have gotten distracted.
But you know what? I will never overcome this insecurity until I reach my goal. How do I choose to deal with this insecurity? Well I will make it obsolete. A lot of us have a lot of insecurities that can be obsolete. Just remember, do it for yourself, not for other people.
Tip #3. Cultivate Your Mind
Insecurities are, largely, an inner battle, that’s why they are called in-securities. A lot of it has something to do with our perception. We look at people and we compare. But the comparison is only in our minds.
There is no competition. There is no contest. It’s all in our minds. So what’s wrong?
What’s the need to be the superlative at everything? What’s the need to be the richest? The best-looking? The smartest? The crazy thing about this imaginary competition is that, when we try to be the best at everything, we neglect that the only thing that matters is that we are happy. And being in this imaginary competition will make us anything but happy.
Cultivate your mind. It is tempting to compare yourself to others and develop insecurities. When this happens, we compare ourselves even more to make us feel good about ourselves. The last you want is to spend the rest of your life comparing yourself to people around you.
Insecurities kill silently. The lack of security robs you of living your life. Living a life full of insecurities is like the exact opposite of living.